Not a joiner

Maybe it’s my non-mainstream childhood, maybe it’s because I tend towards systematic thinking, maybe it’s just that I’m a contrarian asshole, but I don’t tend to join things. I was always a bit of an outcast and had friends who were outside of the mainstream. I pretty much avoided cliques and stayed true to the idea that individuals were what mattered.
Now I’m a lot older, and for the first time I joined a group. I had a lot of reservations, but I was having fun and feeling like it was somewhere that I fit in. Now, I know that getting disillusioned on this sort of thing while in your mid 30′s is pretty sad, but I’m feeling kind of disillusioned right now, and I don’t like it.
I started participating in something called geeks versus nerds. It’s a series of comedy debates about obscure and silly topics like whether Batman or Boba Fett is the bigger badass. I was having fun with it, but then I started to notice that it was a bit… cliquish. That there were insiders, and outsiders. Now, it’s true that I am a bit bitter because I ended up in the role of outsider, but mostly I’m bitter because in my mid 30′s, I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I am one of the cool kids, that I have kissed the collective asses of the arbiters of cool enough to be recognized by them. Now, I succeeded at being, if not cool, at least infamous in high school largely because I just don’t kiss ass at all, so I think that I will follow that strategy with this as well. I will go back to not caring if I am allowed to sit at the cool table, and just sit wherever the fuck I want.
Now, that means odds are good I won’t be on the panel at the next geeks vs. nerds, but that’s not something I’m really worried about at this point in my life.